Now or Never
by authorjazmyne
Summary: Brenda/Sharon, written for the fuckyeahbrendasharon April theme month. Theme: First Time


**Pairing: **Brenda/Sharon

**A/N: **Written for the fuckyeahbrendasharon April theme month over on Tumblr. Theme: _First Time_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything.

The night had been going well until Sharon's phone vibrated inside her purse. Brenda had known something was up all night. She herself hadn't been as focused as usual, her mind and eyes too busy. Sharon's lips had been redder than usual, and all Brenda had been able to think about was kissing the lipstick off of the other woman's mouth. Thoughts like that were supposed to be saved for later, when she was alone and far away from the woman who was nothing more than her friend. But from the moment Sharon arrived at Brenda's door, Brenda's mind had been reeling. After Fritz's departure, the small crush she had been denying she had on Sharon had been given room to grow, grow so much that every time she spent time with the other woman she found herself just wanting to kiss or touch her.

Sharon, although focused and picking up the slack in the conversation when Brenda would let her mind get away from her, hadn't been herself. A few times Brenda had noticed Sharon looking at her like she wanted to say something more serious than telling Brenda she should try some fancy dish Brenda hadn't even tried to pronounce. Brenda was an observant person, and Sharon was someone Brenda had found herself observing a lot more than normal since their friendship started, since the first night Sharon had shared takeout with her in her office as they worked on a shared case. It wasn't hard figuring out something was different this night – and she didn't just mean that because they were dressed up and sharing a table in an expensive restaurant like they were on a date – but she hadn't been able to figure out what.

Once Sharon had told Brenda she had to leave, Brenda couldn't stop herself from thinking it was a lie. Dinner had gotten a little awkward halfway through the meal, so it was probably just an excuse to get away. Sharon had caught Brenda's eyes following the movement of red lips, and from then they hadn't said much of anything to each other. It wasn't like it was the first time Brenda had been caught – really, Brenda wasn't all that good at hiding her attraction – but it was the first time Sharon had acted as if it was a problem. There were days Brenda thought maybe Sharon was attracted to her as well, that maybe they weren't just working on becoming friends to erase the tension in their relationship. This had not been one of those times, especially after Sharon told Brenda she had to go no more than ten minutes later.

* * *

O

* * *

Sharon pulled the car over in front of Brenda's house, put it in park, and then as what appeared to be an afterthought, turned the car off completely. It left them in an eerie silence as they sat there, away from the glow of the streetlight. Brenda watched as slender fingers stretched outward, wiggled a little, and then wrapped around the steering wheel – a nervous habit, Brenda had deduced a few weeks ago. For the second time, Brenda wondered if Sharon had just wanted to put an end to their night and really had nowhere to be. It wasn't as easy to brush the idea away as it had been in the restaurant, not when it felt like Sharon was getting ready to tell Brenda something she wouldn't like. _It's been nice, but I don't want to give you the wrong impression by constantly taking you out to dinner. _Or maybe something different. _I don't think this is going to work, not after I've realized how deep your feelings are for me._ The possibilities of things Sharon could say left Brenda frowning and staring past Sharon and through the window.

"Is everything all right?" she heard Sharon ask her after a minute or two had been spent with Brenda thinking of all the reasons why Sharon would never reciprocate the feelings Brenda had for her. Looking at the other woman, she could see genuine concern, the kind that had even been there when they weren't friends.

Brenda tried smiling, but after coming to the realization that she would never be more than Sharon's friend, a smile was the furthest thing from her lips. Except for Sharon's lips, she taunted herself mentally – those would never get anywhere near Brenda. The thought made her frown turn into a pout. It hadn't even been that long since she realized how much she liked Sharon, how appealing the idea of being able to touch and kiss her whenever she wanted was. It was too soon for it all to be taken away from her. The idea had been dangled in front of her. And now what? Was she supposed to just pretend she didn't want it, that she didn't want dinners and long conversations and time spent together that really, _really_ meant something? She couldn't.

She huffed out a breath, leaning back against her seat, head hitting the headrest as she closed her eyes and worried her bottom lip with her teeth. The feeling inside her stomach when Sharon touched her hand was so familiar, warm and intense, the kind of heat that would always spread throughout her. How many more times would she feel that, the simple gesture that could mean nothing and everything at the same time? It hurt, thinking she never would again, thinking that they had already reached the end of something that hadn't even truly begun. It hurt even more when Sharon's hand stayed upon her own, a reminder of what would be taken away from her, what would stop being an option soon. Because Brenda knew, knew that whatever Sharon was nervous about wasn't going to be good. She knew that she would be leaving this car with nothing but bad news and the reminder that she got the most ridiculous ideas stuck in her head most of the time – Sharon, actually wanting to date her, really?

"Hey," Sharon said softly, and fingers brushed over her knuckles.

Brenda opened her eyes and looked down at their hands on her thigh, looked at how _nice_ it looked. Impulsively, she un-balled her fist and turned her hand over so she could clasp hers and Sharon's together. Her fingers intertwined with the other woman's, soft skin warming almost instantly against her own as she was allowed what she wanted. Did Sharon understand that she was giving herself one more moment of rightfulness before letting Sharon take it all away from her? Brenda was sure she had no fight in her. She had already used all she had possessed. If her failing marriage had never happened, and this thing she had with Sharon had happened a year ago, maybe she would be able to take everything she wanted and not give up until she was satisfied. But there was only so much one person could do. Sometimes fighting just did more damage than good, and Brenda had learned that the long, hard way.

"Talk to me," Sharon urged, her fingers squeezing a little. If Brenda wasn't sure she made the conscious decision to hold Sharon's hand, she would have thought it was Sharon who had initiated the hand holding. The other woman's hand was wrapped around hers like it wanted to be there, like it belonged there and she would continue holding it for a long time. "Something has been bothering you all night, hasn't it?" Always insightful, Sharon was.

Brenda couldn't find any words when she looked up at the other woman, couldn't verbalize what she was thinking. When she tried speaking, it was a mess of stuttered sounds that didn't even make sense to her. A comforting squeeze had silenced her quickly, her eyes meeting Sharon's, finding a gentle look in them. The way Sharon could ease her troubles with the simplest of gestures was a blessing, something Brenda wondered if she would ever find with someone else. Someone else, as if Sharon had even been _her someone_ to begin with.

"Maybe we should have just stayed in and had Chinese like you wanted," Sharon was saying, and maybe there had been more said before that which had been missed.

"No," Brenda said, shaking her head and giving Sharon the same type of comforting squeeze to her hand that the other woman had given her. "I was happy that you wanted to bring me with you tonight."

"You didn't even enjoy yourself," Sharon said. Her eyes rolled a little, like they did whenever Sharon was thinking or saying something self-deprecating. "I wanted to try something new with you," she admitted, avoiding Brenda's eyes, "but we didn't have to jump from takeout in your living room to me getting you dressed up and taking you to a fine dining restaurant."

"I did enjoy myself," Brenda said belatedly, her mind previously too busy wrapping itself around the words Sharon was saying. She always enjoyed herself when she was with Sharon, she wanted to admit. But in her mind it sounded too much like words she shouldn't say, words that would give away too much.

"This," Sharon said, using the two of their hands to wave at Brenda's red dress, the one Brenda had put on because she knew how much Sharon would like her in it, "isn't you, Brenda. I shouldn't have pushed you to come with me. I could have gone alone."

"I wanted to be there."

"You-"

Brenda huffed, aggravated with Sharon for not just believing her, aggravated with herself for not knowing what to do to make this all okay somehow. "I wanted to be there," she repeated, and then after a second continued, "with you. I wanted to spend the night with you, Sharon. Chinese in my livin' room, pizza over work, or even puttin' on some fancy dress and makeup and goin' somewhere really nice. It didn't matter where we went, it never will. I just wanted to be with you."

The corner of Sharon's mouth twitched a little, a smile threatening to appear, a smile that made Brenda wonder if she had been worrying herself this whole time about nothing. Maybe Sharon wasn't worried about trying to figure out how to put an end to their relationship before it became too much. Maybe Sharon wanted that, wanted more, wanted everything Brenda had been slowly admitting to herself that she wanted.

Sharon ran her left hand through her thick hair, sighing softly. "So you were having a good time?" she asked, looking out the corner of her eye but not fully facing Brenda.

"Well, yes. I was havin' a really good time."

"I'm sorry." Sharon sighed and ran her fingers through her hair again. "I thought you would rather we leave, and I..."

"I knew it!" Brenda grinned, and Sharon jumped a little and narrowed her eyes. "So this big emergency wasn't real, was it?"

It was painfully beautiful the way Sharon rubbed her lips together and looked away guilty. "In a sense, no. I do have somewhere to be, but I have time before I need to be there. I didn't want to make you stay there any longer when I thought you weren't having a good time." Sharon paused for a moment before adding, "I also didn't say it was an emergency."

Brenda's grin turned into a gentle curve of lips. "You were just tryin' to make the night good for me," she said, her accent a little thicker with her whisper.

Sharon hummed, nodding lightly. Brenda shifted in her seat and released Sharon's hand. When Sharon looked up, Brenda tentatively brushed brown hair back and behind her ear. Her fingers lingered at her jaw, traced the bone slowly, barely grazing the skin with her trembling fingers. Either she was reading all the signs incorrectly, _again_, or she was going to take that big step that would help guide them to what they both wanted. She couldn't be sure. She would never be sure, even if Sharon were to spell everything out for her. She just had to do it, just needed to try. If this was going to be the end to something that never started, she could at least give it a try, make sure that she at least fought a little for what she wanted.

She turned a little more in her seat, dropping her eyes down to Sharon's lips for the umpteenth time. Her fingers moved to Sharon's chin, the skin beneath her smoother than she could have ever imagined it would be. She pulled her own lip into her mouth and tilted her head as she caressed the skin just below Sharon's very tempting bottom lip. The sigh that left parted lips made her look up, allowed her the chance to witness the bliss and longing that twisted together in green eyes that had been unshielded around her for so long she could almost forget how much the other woman had previously kept her out.

"Oh," Brenda whispered. Not breaking eye contact, she swiped her warm finger over skin.

"B-Brenda," was Sharon's shaky response, her breath on the tip of Brenda's thumb. Her stomach flipped, dipped, and then flipped again. She slowly, so very slowly, glided her finger up to the corner of the brunette's mouth. Her eyes dropped to take in the contrast of her skin and the other woman's lipstick as she started to roll her finger over Sharon's lip, enjoying the texture and warmth of it. "B-Brenda."

A little part of Brenda broke then, the small thread she had been dangling from that was keeping her from falling hard and quickly. Once it broke, the fall was inevitable. She leaned in, hand sliding to Sharon's neck, and pressed her mouth to Sharon's. The first time their lips touched, Brenda could have melted. There were no words that described the way it felt to finally, _finally_ have the other woman's lips against her own. There were no descriptions to explain how right it felt, how good it was, just one touch of lips against lips, warm and smooth. There was nothing to be thought but one word. _More!_ A sample of perfection was never enough for Brenda. She wanted to indulge, gluttony and her best friends as she tilted her head and kissed Sharon like she had spent so long fantasizing about.

Sharon was malleable beneath her lips. Brenda traced the other woman's lips with her tongue; Sharon hummed and parted them. She stroked her way to Sharon's hair and combed her fingers through it; the other woman tilted her head back. There was no questioning anymore. It was all there, in the brush of lips, the sweeps of tongues, the hint of teeth as Brenda started to pull back. It was, as far as first kisses went, wonderful. There had been just enough tongue, just enough shyness as Sharon curled hers against the roof of Brenda's mouth, and just enough kissing for it to be clear it wasn't just a kiss. It was a first kiss, _the_ first kiss, the one that would lead to more kisses.

"I've been wantin' to do that all night." Brenda voice was a rough, low rumble against Sharon's cheek, hot and damp. Sharon hummed, long and deeply. Brenda squeezed her eyes even tighter and kissed the skin beneath her lips. "For a lot longer," she admitted in a lower voice.

"Me, too," Sharon exhaled. "I just..."

Brenda nodded, pulling away and sitting in her seat properly. She would look at Sharon in a moment, take in the look on the other woman's face, her "it finally happened" face. She licked her lips, and they curled up into a smile. "You wanted to be sure I wanted it as well."

"Exactly," Sharon said, but it had been felt more than heard. A warm breath was teasing her lips, and she knew if her eyes were to open Sharon would be all she would see. Her heart rate quickened immediately, the nearness of the other woman something she knew she could get used to, _would_ be able to get used to. "There's a lot we need to talk about, Brenda," Sharon was saying.

All Brenda could feel was the warm breath against her, and all she could smell was Sharon's intoxicating scent. But the words Sharon was saying were no longer making it to Brenda's ears. She was getting lost in something she thought she would have never been given, being consumed by it. She was being devoured by all things Sharon, and the woman hadn't even kissed her again. And then, as if Sharon was reading her mind, lips pressed to her with the confidence that Brenda loved.

"Oh," Brenda moaned, crumbling.

"Just one more kiss," Sharon whispered before dragging her tongue over Brenda's bottom lip. "And then you're going to have to get of this car and go home so we don't rush things."

Brenda nodded, turned and pulled Sharon closer. "Of course," she mumbled. She would have said anything if it meant Sharon would kiss her again. "Just one more kiss," she drawled.

"For tonight," Sharon said, teasing Brenda with another flick of her tongue. _Oh_, Brenda thought, moaning. "But there will be more-"

"God," she groaned, "just kiss me already."

Sharon laughed against her mouth and kissed her. She kissed her and kissed her and kissed her.

* * *

O

* * *

Brenda dropped her purse down on the sofa, her body and lips still tingling. She dropped her dessert on the coffee table and headed to the kitchen to get something to eat with. On the way there, she stepped out of her heels, hissing a little as one shoe came off in the dining room and the other in the kitchen. The cool tiles beneath her feet was just what she needed as a little relief after wearing high heels for so long. She unzipped the side zipper on her red dress as she pulled out the drawer, and by the time she had her fingers wrapped around the metal of a spoon, she was already shimmying out of it. She stepped out of the dress, leaving her in the slip that was underneath, and then draped it over the back of a kitchen chair.

Even though she knew exactly what she was looking for in the freezer, she stood in front of it for a minute, tapping her lip with her spoon and letting the rush of cool air hit her body. She had stood in the exact same spot before Sharon picked her up, considering having a little ice cream before Sharon came for her. She had been craving it all week, and for whatever reason hadn't touched it. She would now, though. She grabbed the chocolatey goodness and softly kicked the door closed with her bare foot. At the sofa, she opened up her takeaway container, the sight of the decadent chocolate cake making her mouth water.

She had never needed a reason to indulge, never needed an excuse. She had a sweet tooth, had always had it. But as she scooped up some ice cream, dropped it on top of the cake, and then bit into her lip with hunger, she had a reason. She deserved this treat, she thought. After considering adding a little more, she shook her head and stood up. She practically swayed, not because of the dessert she was about to enjoy but because she could still feel the pressure of lips on her, still see the look in Sharon's eyes as they said goodnight to each other. After thinking that her feelings weren't reciprocated, those moments with Sharon had felt so surreal. She had kissed Sharon, had been kissed _by _Sharon. She may never believe it. They were two women who hadn't even liked each other when they met, and now she was admitting to herself that she was, without a doubt, falling for Sharon. She bit back her wide grin, putting up the ice cream and sitting back down.

Legs crossed at the ankles, she laid down on the sofa, head propped up by pillows. She reached over and dug her spoon into her ice cream and cake, chocolate upon chocolate, the only taste of heaven she knew until the first press of Sharon's lips against hers. She brought it to her mouth, licking her wide lips before opening them, and with a low moan, she tasted it. Her eyes closed and her taste buds sung. She licked her lips and smiled, going in for more, free to enjoy it completely. It was delicious, really delicious.

But it wasn't quite as good as Sharon's kisses.

The End. Thanks for reading!


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